Its The Bob here, and as you can tell from the last few posts, my boss/mother has been cranky and confused. Does anyone out there work for their parents? You know, with the promise that you will be “running the Family Business” when they drop dead?
Well, the Bird does, and to be honest, I needed some time to myself. Especially after I was ordered to review the Palin book. That was just too much, and although Crows do not have nervous breakdowns, we have limits, LIMITS!
Anyway, I went off on Vay-cay, and I took the book I wanted to read with me. It was not a job, it was a pleasure.
It was called “Logging Off” by Caitlin McKenna
I want to thank my few loyal readers for checking my work while I decided to take a year off and get daily mani/pedi,’s daily massages, and hourly fruity drinks. The Bird lived like Paris Hilton for a year, but it got boring, and now I am pounding my beak – my brain was starting to atrophy!
It seems that a lot of people have been wondering what happened to The Bird. I count myself as one of them.
I have a stack of books for him to review, and without warning he went off on vacation and has not written one word since.
He just waltzed back in and informed me that he was no longer interested in reviewing books, he was training to be a stunt pilot.
He figures he will be a huge celebrity, as a one winged bird doing ariel tricks.
I am trying to talk him out of it, and we are reaching a compromise, I think. If I can get a few more book reviews out of him, he can go ahead and pursue “Reality Show Crow” fame.
Sigh. Everybody wants to be a star.
Posted in books, crow, Humor, Photos, reviews, The Bird, vacation, writing | Tagged "Logging Off", Bobby D. the Crow, book reviewer, Caitlin McKenna, Johnny Depp, negotiations, Reality Show Crow, stunt pilot, Vanessa Paradis | Leave a Comment »
Okay, it is the mother here, and I am getting a little bit peeved. Back in November, Bobby informed me he was going on vacation, and, despite my protests, he packed his suitcase and left. I can hardly blame him, as you can see what it was like here for the past few months, below.
So, really, can you blame him? He wanted a vacation, he went on vacation. Fine, okay, there really is no arguing with him when he gets his mind set on something.
To be fair, it was snowing and cold up until two weeks ago, but then rain started, the snow melted, and now Spring is here. It is beautiful. It is time for the Bird to come back!
His employer has three books lined up for him to review, his first one is a really fun science fiction romp called “Logging Off”, by Caitlin McKenna. Bobby really enjoyed it, and was looking forward to reviewing it, but he is not back, and I have no idea where he is. However, he did send me a rough draft of his review, sent from somewhere is South America, promising to polish it up when he was home. That was two months ago.
Since then, all I have received are these two postcards, below, showing him lounging in a pool at whatever resort he is staying.
If anyone happens to see a drunk, fat, lazy crow lying on a beach towel covered with white corn chips and hamburger meat, will you tell him he has a job, and his vacation is LONG over, and to get his tail feathers back home, pronto.
If he is not back in the next few days, I will take his rough draft of “Logging Off”, and post it. Believe me, I have read it, and it has that special “Bobby D Book Review” flavor that we have all come to know and love.
Posted in Humor, Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Photos, crow, books, vacation | Tagged "Logging Off", Book review, Caitlin McKenna, crow, Humor, Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Photos, snow, vacation, writing | Leave a Comment »
Hello my fellow crow fans and assorted others, human and higher beings,
Again, my apologies for the delay, but there was a terrible legal hassle I had to go through with my boss. I do not consider Sarah Palin’s book, “Going Rogue, An American Life” a book.
The Bird reviews books, both fiction and nonfiction, magazines, blogs, anything that is literature, and is interesting, informative, funny, factual, emotional – everything that true writers are supposed to give to their readers.
Sarah Palin does not qualify as a writer. I refused to review her book, and the Parents were one hundred percent behind me, but it took some serious legal arguments to back up my decision. In the end, we won, the courts ruled that Palin’s pieces of paper do not qualify as fiction, nonfiction, literature, factual, anything. This waste of what was once a live tree is not considered a book by the High Court of Trees. As crows, we know what is and is not a book, from all of the time we spend with the original paper source.
It qualifies as a 44 year old woman writing a “Dear Diary” with all of the ability of an angry fifteen year old.
The Bird does not review “mean little girl” diaries.
Read and see more here:
Although, the picture below pretty much sums it up.
[image by ‘flyinureye’ via themudflats.net]
Posted in Humor, Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Photos, crow, books, The Bird | Tagged memoir, Humor, writing, crow, Sarah Palin, Book review, "Going Rogue" An American Life, Sarah Palin Diary, legal problems | Leave a Comment »
I am one happy crow. My mother is finally starting to understand me when I speak. Today is a great example – she noticed my drinking cup was a little bit low, and she threw the old water out, washed the cup, and put in nice fresh water. For all of her flaws, and there are SO many, she is very good about making sure the Bird has plenty of fresh food and drink.
However, it has been awhile since she has taken me out onto my balcony, where my jacuzzi-bowl is in my large black, Nouvelle French dressing room. She says it has been too cold, I keep saying I am a Bird, and we live in the cold. Her counter argument is that I am now, after 8 years, an indoor bird, and I would catch a cold.
Puh-leeze. I am a crow, we are invincible.
So, when she brought my little cup of fresh water, I dunked my head in it, loud. It startled her enough to realize that I was willing to take a bath in a cup, I do not like being dirty, and I was feeling icky.
She caved. I was taken outside to my beautiful big bowl, where I proceeded to take the longest, splashiest bath ever, and she had to keep coming out and filling the jacuzzi-bowl. I love it when she is my slave-girl. I should make her wear the Princess Leia slave outfit. The Bird thinks that would be appropriate. I will bring it up at our next Homeowners Meeting.
So, now I am glossy and clean and gorgeous, and below I would like to share with you a few photos of my room, my three story condo, and my books.
Now that I am clean and relaxed, I am going to begin my next book review. Everybody over on the review page is asking what is next, but I refuse to give a teaser. You will just have to wait until tomorrow. The Bird is Busy, and can only do so much, you know.