Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Okay, it is the mother here, and I am getting a little bit peeved.  Back in November, Bobby informed me he was going on vacation, and, despite my protests, he packed his suitcase and left.  I can hardly blame him, as you can see what it was like here for the past few months, below.

Bobby in the backyard - photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

Bobby dreaming of Cabo San Lucas - photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

So, really, can you blame him?  He wanted a vacation, he went on vacation. Fine, okay, there really is no arguing with him when he gets his mind set on something.

To be fair, it was snowing and cold up until two weeks ago, but then rain started, the snow melted, and now Spring is here.  It is beautiful.  It is time for the Bird to come back!

His employer has three books lined up for him to review, his first one is a really fun science fiction romp called “Logging Off”, by Caitlin McKenna. Bobby really enjoyed it, and was looking forward to reviewing it, but he is not back, and I have no idea where he is.  However, he did send me a rough draft of his review, sent from somewhere is South America, promising to polish it up when he was home.  That was two months ago.

Since then, all I have received are these two postcards, below, showing him lounging in a pool at whatever resort he is staying.

"Sun and Sand!" Photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

"Another round of Pina Coladas, please!" Photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

If anyone happens to see a drunk, fat, lazy crow lying on a beach towel covered with white corn chips and hamburger meat, will you tell him he has a job, and his vacation is LONG over, and to get his tail feathers back home, pronto.

Thank you.

If he is not back in the next few days, I will take his rough draft of “Logging Off”, and post it.  Believe me, I have read it, and it has that special “Bobby D Book Review” flavor that we have all come to know and love.

Read Full Post »

Hello my fellow crow fans and assorted others, human and higher beings,

Again, my apologies for the delay, but there was a terrible legal hassle I had to go through with my boss.  I do not consider Sarah Palin’s book, “Going Rogue, An American Life” a book.

The Bird reviews books, both fiction and nonfiction, magazines, blogs, anything that is literature, and is interesting, informative, funny, factual, emotional – everything that true writers are supposed to give to their readers.

Sarah Palin does not qualify as a writer.  I refused to review her book, and the Parents were one hundred percent behind me, but it took some serious legal arguments to back up my decision.  In the end, we won, the courts ruled that Palin’s pieces of paper do not qualify as fiction, nonfiction, literature, factual, anything.  This waste of what was once a live tree is not considered a book by the High Court of Trees. As crows, we know what is and is not a book, from all of the time we spend with the original paper source.

It qualifies as a 44 year old woman writing a “Dear Diary” with all of the ability of an angry fifteen year old.

The Bird does not review “mean little girl” diaries.

Read and see more here:

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

Although, the picture below pretty much sums it up.

[image by ‘flyinureye’ via themudflats.net]

Read Full Post »

Hello, my fellow Crows and assorted Others.  Today we are reviewing “Not By Accident: Reconstructing A Careless Life”. by author Samantha Dunn.

You can click the link below, or just pop over to the review page.  Enjoy!

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

I have to make dinner, the Humans are working late, so my apologies for rushing off.  You can see I have my hands full, below.

DSCN0335a

Ahh, folks? Are we out of Garlic Salt? I am looking everywhere, dammit!

Read Full Post »

I am one happy crow. My mother is finally starting to understand me when I speak.  Today is a great example – she noticed my drinking cup was a little bit low, and she threw the old water out, washed the cup, and put in nice fresh water.  For all of her flaws, and there are SO many, she is very good about making sure the Bird has plenty of fresh food and drink.

However, it has been awhile since she has taken me out onto my balcony, where my jacuzzi-bowl  is in my large black, Nouvelle French dressing room. She says it has been too cold, I keep saying I am a Bird, and we live in the cold.  Her counter argument is that I am now, after 8 years, an indoor bird, and I would catch a cold.

Puh-leeze.  I am a crow, we are invincible.

So, when she brought my little cup of fresh water, I dunked my head in it, loud.  It startled her enough to realize that I was willing to take a bath in a cup, I do not like being dirty, and I was feeling icky.

She caved.  I was taken outside to my beautiful big bowl, where I proceeded to take the longest, splashiest bath ever, and she had to keep coming out and filling the jacuzzi-bowl.  I love it when she is my slave-girl. I should make her wear the Princess Leia slave outfit. The Bird thinks that would be appropriate. I will bring it up at our next Homeowners Meeting.

So, now I am glossy and clean and gorgeous, and below I would like to share with you a few photos of my room, my three story condo, and my books.

DSCN0351

Leaping from the top floor to the main room

DSCN0354

Have I mentioned that my condo has been appraised at over $100,000? You heard right.

DSCN0319a

Is this bulb out again? Grr, these antique lamps. Someone find the father.

Now that I am clean and relaxed, I am going to begin my next book review. Everybody over on the review page is asking what is next, but I refuse to give a teaser.  You will just have to wait until tomorrow.  The Bird is Busy, and can only do so much, you know.

Caw!

Bobby Out!

Read Full Post »

Just to let my crow fans know, I have reviewed my first book, Christian Lander’s “Stuff White People Like”.  Just go to the Review page, or click below.

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

Enjoy! CAW!

 

Bob-on-chair

What to pick next? So many books, so little time......

 

 


Read Full Post »

I finally had to brush poor Vito the Cat, little Vinnie’s large, black brother.

He has had dreadlocks that have been driving him insane.

So, I snuck up on him in the living room, and began trying to separate and pull the dreaded dreads out.

Vito was not happy, and he made it clear.  Bobby was watching, and making growling sounds, with the occasional holler.

The whole ordeal took over an hour, with Tomas coming out halfway through to help.

I soothed everyone, then committed the ultimate sin.

Pulled out the vacuum.  Bedlam.

I am, as of this post, the most despised mother EVER.

Pop an exedrin, guzzle some milk, and leave everyone alone for a while.

All will be forgiven, in time.  Or not.

Read Full Post »

brought to you by slumlandlady and lord.

Judy Davis Farash and hubby Martin Farash.

The stress therapist and her husband, the addiction specialist.

Just. Too. Funny.

I believe this falls into the category of “non-fiction.”

Samantha Dunn?  Did I get it right?

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »