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Posts Tagged ‘Kelly Mahan Jaramillo’

Okay, it is the mother here, and I am getting a little bit peeved.  Back in November, Bobby informed me he was going on vacation, and, despite my protests, he packed his suitcase and left.  I can hardly blame him, as you can see what it was like here for the past few months, below.

Bobby in the backyard - photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

Bobby dreaming of Cabo San Lucas - photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

So, really, can you blame him?  He wanted a vacation, he went on vacation. Fine, okay, there really is no arguing with him when he gets his mind set on something.

To be fair, it was snowing and cold up until two weeks ago, but then rain started, the snow melted, and now Spring is here.  It is beautiful.  It is time for the Bird to come back!

His employer has three books lined up for him to review, his first one is a really fun science fiction romp called “Logging Off”, by Caitlin McKenna. Bobby really enjoyed it, and was looking forward to reviewing it, but he is not back, and I have no idea where he is.  However, he did send me a rough draft of his review, sent from somewhere is South America, promising to polish it up when he was home.  That was two months ago.

Since then, all I have received are these two postcards, below, showing him lounging in a pool at whatever resort he is staying.

"Sun and Sand!" Photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

"Another round of Pina Coladas, please!" Photo by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

If anyone happens to see a drunk, fat, lazy crow lying on a beach towel covered with white corn chips and hamburger meat, will you tell him he has a job, and his vacation is LONG over, and to get his tail feathers back home, pronto.

Thank you.

If he is not back in the next few days, I will take his rough draft of “Logging Off”, and post it.  Believe me, I have read it, and it has that special “Bobby D Book Review” flavor that we have all come to know and love.

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Hello, my fellow Crows and assorted Others.  Today we are reviewing “Not By Accident: Reconstructing A Careless Life”. by author Samantha Dunn.

You can click the link below, or just pop over to the review page.  Enjoy!

Bobby’s Bi-weekly Book Review

I have to make dinner, the Humans are working late, so my apologies for rushing off.  You can see I have my hands full, below.

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Ahh, folks? Are we out of Garlic Salt? I am looking everywhere, dammit!

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The Parents were gone for 24 hours.  They went roaring out of the house in the middle of the night on Friday, and came back after one a.m. on Saturday – I mean Sunday morning.

The bird gets confused with the humans whole “time” thing.  For me, it is morning, then it is afternoon, then it is night.  Much more simple.

So, they make all of this racket coming into the house, and I’m a-hearing snippets of ‘New York” and John and Eve” and Aminta and Michael” and “Vietnamese Food” and “The Q&A” – any other crow out there on their laptop want to tell me what might have been going on?  The cats below me were just as confused, and we did call a meeting to discuss the issue, but no light was shed.

Well, I cannot worry much about it – the Mother has been exhibiting all of the signs of guilt, and that means I can take full advantage of her.  I have been treated like a king for the last 4 days.  Still, they are waking up a little on the late side.

I think I may start screaming really loud around 6 a.m., just to get them out of bed.  After all, they are still up until midnight in the room next to mine, making all kinds of noise, which they justify as “work”.  Ha!

I would caw some more about this, but it seems to be working out quite well on the ass end of the deal, and today I am writing my first book review, so, gotta go!

But, I have some kind of clue…..these fell out of the Mothers pocket, and I quickly grabbed them.  They have been keeping secrets.  From the looks of these, those two have friends! No one ran this by us, and that is just Not. Okay.

Bobby D. The Crow

Chasama-Film-Fest_0024

I know that is the Mother on the far left. Those other two? Hmmm

Chasama-Film-Fest_0048

Oh, it may be blurry, but it is her, alright. And it looks like New York.

 

Chasama-Film-Fest_0049

Yep, the father too, looking guilty. Those Lucy's got some 'splainin' to do...

 

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Two days ago, maybe?

The only good thing about humidity is it makes your skin look absolutely fabulous.  All of that moisture.

Otherwise, it is a misery, but the beauty is, summer only lasts for two months around here.

The forest that is our lot is so old, the leaves are really too big to fully understand when written about, so here are a few photos to have something to compare.

It is just past a year since Bullet died, and it is coming up on two years since my cat Monkey died.  I have not been able to write about Monkey, and I just got word that my friend Tara Zucker lost her cat Blanche.

Tara writes much more eloquently than I, and her life with Blanche is a beautiful chronology of how we come to love the four-legged creatures that speak so well, if only we were smart enough to understand.

My shoe size? Six and a half.  Ahem

My shoe size? Six and a half. Ahem

Hand?  Not much bigger than foot.

Hand? Not much bigger than foot.

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There was a rabbit. He was running around in Koreatown, Los Angeles, where I was teaching English as as Second Language.

It was July 9th, ten months after my father, Bill Mahan, died.  July 9th happened to be Bill’s  birthday.

I saw all of the students, of every level, yelling in their native language and running around in circles in ninety degree heat.

It was lunchtime, so I did not want to be the bitch teacher screaming “English, people, English!” – but I was intensely curious and needed someone to have done enough of their homework  to clue me in.

(Granted, I had purchased every student a copy of Harper Lee’s “To Kill A Mockingbird” to show them that the English language did not always translate across every state).

They were chasing a rabbit.  I knew nothing of rabbits, and I was wearing the one good pair of pants I owned.

I waded in, and saw him under the ficus, loaded for bear.  He had big teeth and an attitude.

I grabbed him, and god help me, he went quiet.  The students and other teachers were in a circle, laughing.

“Now you own him!” or “You just caught dinner!”

I knew if I brought home another animal, Tomas’s patience would wear thin.

We all got through it.

Billy “The Bullet” Mahan lived with us for about 6 years. When we decided to get out of Los Angeles for good, we had a 5-week stopover in Ojai, California.   As my faithful readers know, Bobby the Crow, Billy “The Bullet” Mahan, Vito and Vinnie the cats, Tomas and myself relaxed and gathered our wits in Ojai, and began prepping for the trip one year ago this month.

The Bullet was old, and he did not make it past the first stop over in Ojai.  He enjoyed being there for a month, and had built up quite a little fan club when people would walk by and see him in his big round pen, relaxing under the trees outside, before we would bring him in for the evening.

Local Ojai folks liked to stop at the little wooden fence and talk to him.

At dusk one night, I went out to bring him in, and he was not feeling well.  He died very suddenly about an hour later, to my shock, disbelief, and tremendous sadness.

He is buried under two huge, beautiful oak trees on the land of Lisa and John Adair.  We miss him every day.

There will never be another Bullet.

Lady? I could arrest you for hitchhiking......

"Lady? I could arrest you for hitchhiking....." .photo: Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, The Bullet

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About a year ago, I wrote that Judy Davis Farash was charging us for new carpet in her house, carpet that was so old it was disgusting. After we moved,  she listed her house, 7002 Forbes Ave, Van Nuys, Ca, with Jill Fischer properties, lauding the wonderful hardwood floors!  Pictures of the whole house – hardwood floors.

And a note – a tenant is not responsible for carpet that has not been replaced after two years – California Law.

Judy Davis Farash went to court to get what she felt was owed her, and in her injunction, was charging us for new carpet.  The court, without us there, gave here the right to get a sheriff and pull all of the money we had in our bank account to pay for said “carpet”.  The Bank was Washington Mutual, just before they bit the dust.

The small amount of money in the account was SSDI money from my car accident.  SSDI money cannot be levied, so WaMu screwed up, and so did Judy Davis Farash.

Here’s the Readers Digest version:

For the last year, her house has been for rent, touting hardwood floors.

Not long after I posted this, the house disappeared off of Jill Fischer properties.  Even if Judy Davis Farash finally rented it, Jill Fischer doesn’t seem too inclined to triumphantly post “RENTED!” on her website.

Gee, I wonder why?  Maybe Jill Fischer does not want to be associated with the type of landlord who routinely screws her tenants.

We have all of the documentation in order, and a lawyer on standby.  If we choose, we can haul Judy Davis Farash and her husband Martin J. Farash into court, proving that they falsified documents for the courts to get into our bank accounts.  

The courts don’t like to be lied to, kids.  Keep that in mind if you try to pull another nasty, vindictive move like the last one.  

We are so sorry that our legal rebuttal outlined in great detail every issue that you, as a landlord, were neglecting,  to the point where your house was becoming hazardous to live in. Yes, once it is public record, if you do not fix the problem, the next tenant could sue your pants off.  So you finally had to spend money and  bring your house up to code. Guess what, hon?  Not. Our. Problem. Deal with it.

Below is the picture of the living room as it was listed on Jill Fischer Properties.  Se the $2,800 dollar carpet she was charging us for?

Ahem.

And the worst part of the saga – Judy Davis Farash and Martin J. Farash are therapists. Judy does not act like a normal landlady – she is very sweet and chummy, giving new tenants a “Welcome to your new home” plant, sending a Christmas gift every year, will counsel you to “take some time off,’  – it seems really nice at first, but as a tenant, you slowly start to realize that it is blurring the lines between ‘friend’, ‘therapist’ and ‘landlord’. Once you start feeling how inappropriate her behavior is,  it starts getting creepy, especially when your first year is up, and she decides to blindside you and jack the rent up 27%.

 She will not tell you this when you first move in, and it was not in the rental agreement we signed – unfortunately, she is allowed by law to do it, and she is not about to give you a heads up that she will.

A friend of mine recently drove by the house, and notice two cars in the driveway, and no “For Rent” sign.  Looks like it finally rented.  

My sympathy goes out to the new people.

hardwood-floors

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When Bobby and the mom still lived under the Bush Administration

When Bobby and the mom still lived under the Bush Administration

The Bird is outraged.  We have a new home, a new administration, we go swimming on a new coast.  Tomas just got a new film, we are cutting a new trailer to last years film – – -it’s all good!

Until last night, after President Obama’s speech.  It left us with a strong sense of pride and ability and finally, an administration that seems to care about people who are or have been struggling. 

The the Up-And-Coming-Star of the GOP,  (no not Palin, try not to laugh) Bobby Jindal, gave the ‘Republican Response’ to President Obama.

Oh. My. God.

You can throw a rock and read about it, so I am not going to go into detail about how I felt that Opie was trying to tell me to trust him never to steal cupcakes again, all the while frosting is spilling out of his mouth – – no thank you, young Jindal.  Run along now.

However, I have a crow named Bobby, and he is making it quite clear that the name Bobby is no longer acceptable.

I can hardly blame him.  My crow would have had a much more interesting and forceful presence in HIS rebuttal, if he were giving one.  However, Bobby voted for President Obama, so his rebuttal would be towards Jindal, and believe me, Jindal would not know what had hit him.

 I know this, I hear it every day – over food, water, exercise, naps, whatever.

So, I agree with him, and heed his wishes.  Bobby D. the Crow will now be referred to as Robert, or Robaire if he is being particularly sexy.

And Robert and the Mom want to say, “Thanks a lot for the performance last night, Jindal. You made Sarah Palin look good, and she was almost gone.”

The Bird and the Mom and the Dad need a drink.

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