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Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

It is a cold, rainy day here, it is supposed to snow tomorrow, and I am feeling sad and low.  It is not the weather, I love this weather.  It is probably the news from the comment section of the last post, and it has left me with a more in-my-face awareness of death than is usually hanging about.

 

Without denying the sadness, or running from it, I am looking at pictures of life, the life all around me, and try to reconcile the enjoyment of life with the fact that it is impermanent.  

 

I have a secret weapon – Kayla the Wonder Dog.  My friend Carol Johnson’s dog, who is possibly the greatest dog known to mankind.  I got to spend almost a year at Carol’s house in the Hollywood Hills almost every day, doing work there, and part of this fabulous job was to walk and brush Kayla.  It was so much fun, really, that I should have been paying Carol, not the other way around.  

So, I pull up pictures of Kayla when I feel low, and it helps get the ball rolling to sit with my own crew and enjoy them while they are here, and not cry now for something that has not yet happened.

kayla_at_beach

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Poor Bobby – we live in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, and although crows do not have hyper olfactory senses, they know when there is danger and it is time to leave. Usually this is due to their ultra intense sight, and the fact that they travel in a group, called a Murder, not a flock.

Shows how scared people are of them – well, Alfred Hitchcock did not help matters now, did he?

All of the animals have been jumpy, but Bobby is going a bit out of his mind. It is hard to deal with the fact that he cannot fly, he senses danger and cannot get away from it the way he was built to protect himself. This time he is not acting like a fun loving drunk three year old, he is freaking out. His adrenaline must be racing, because he does not want attention, I have tried. He wants to rip up paper and pound and tear on his condo, and i have run out of ideas.

I sat on the desk and told him we were all on edge, told him I understood what it felt like to be trapped, promised him I would keep him safe, just talked and talked to him. That worked, as long as I did not leave the room.

I had to go and work with Tomas on music issues, then had to drive east towards the 5 freeway to buy pet food, as we were completely out because we were waiting on a check, which arrived today. Driving east is driving towards the fire areas, and the sky is that horrible sickly shade of yellow, with grey ash haze at eye level.

When I returned, Bobby had gotten down and torn up all of his fresh papers, thrown sticks and rocks out of the empty planter he uses to maneuver his way down, and had gone over to the vitamins on the counter, zero-ing in on the Jarrow brand acidophilus capsules. He was not having fun, he destroyed them.
The only upside is he has a lot of good bacteria in his system today. Hopefully it will counteract the time he managed to open Tomas’s prescription for antibiotics and stab one of the capsules to death. I admonished him that Tomas was the one in the house with a toothache, and the pills did nothing for a bothersome beak. He ignored me.

I tried to take him in my room, he did not want to go. He made sounds that were human in their sadness and fear, while pacing around, first snapping at my hand, then putting his head down apologetically. He was acting like I do when I am PMS’ing. If a crow could burst into tears, he would have.

If I had not had to go get them something to eat, I would have stayed with him and talked until my voice gave out.

I cleaned everything up, then sat and told him that I was terribly sad also, that I was in emotional turmoil concerning my few blood relatives, but we had to do our best and hang tough, trust each other, and try not to let fear and anger cause us to destroy things.

I hope I can take my own good advice.

It is dark now, and Bobby has settled down, he is dozing in his corner. I envy him that darkness brings him peace.

To all of the fire victims out there –

A crow and his mom are, in their own way, praying for you all.

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